Tears in heaven
by RGfI
Summary: Spoiler alert: contains spoilers from s05e15. The tale of Will Gardner in the Afterlife world. Basically my attempt to try and explain the complicated relationship of Will and Alicia, their ups and downs, the reasons to why they are where they are, and mostly to give our favorite couple a proper closure.
1. Chapter 1

**First of all I would like to say that this fic is not going to be religion-related _what so ever_. We're all different people from different places and countries, different languages and obviously, different religious beliefs. I would be honest to say that what's written in this fic doesn't necessarily even describes my religious beliefs!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the goodwife characters nor the beautiful lyrics from Eric Clapton's song "Tears in heaven".**

**I wanna dedicate this fanfic to Marsel, Yael and Yarden, who've been a huge cheer up when this awful amazing beautiful depressing ship brings me down (happens too many times) and just there when I wanna say random shit about the couple. Thanks, love you :)**

**Okay here we go!**

* * *

Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same, if I saw you in heaven?  
I must be strong, and carry on,  
'Cause I know, I don't belong here in heaven.

* * *

Will felt finally relaxed.

Everything around him felt quiet. He was laying down, looking up at nothing. A shiny, white nothing. It was nice to not think for a change. To feel no pain, sorrow, annoyance.

He remembered faintly that he experienced a lot of pain (a shooting maybe? it all happened so fast), and that he had something he wanted to tell... Her.

By her, he means... No, it doesn't matter what he means. It's not important.

Nothing isn't now.

Around him was an endless room filled with bright emptiness.

After a while of nothing he started to wish for some audience... Anything. But nothing happens; it seemed like he is the only person in this place.

He slowly got up and looked down at his clothes; when he found out he was wearing a weird white sheet he groaned and rolled his eyes. He is doomed to spend eternity in a weird sheet and with no one around. "I wish I would at least wear something normal, please, this thing is embarrassing." He muttered to himself, his voice sounds weird to his ears, like he is on a recording, and there was a weird echo at this weird room.

He was shocked to say the least when in his next blink he discovered he is wearing his Georgetown sweatshirt over a white simple shirt, a pair of black sweatpants and a pair of blue wool socks.

His eyes widened, his breath was caught in his throat and a gigantic grin spreaded on his face. "Oh, that is so cool. I get anything I want?!"

Except of his own voice in echo, no one answered.

"A ball! I want a ball," he announced happily. When nothing happend he assumed it's this weird universe's way to say "who cares?".

He sighed and sat down. "A water. Can I have some water?" He asked, hopeful, and yet still nothing happend.

"Some pizza?" He asked, disbelief in his voice now.

Nothing but his own voice in echo.

"Oh come on!" He groaned in frustration. "At least stop with this stupid annoying echo, please!"

He was surprised when his voice didn't return as echo.

"The echo stopped," he mutters to himself in disbelief. "Hey!" He yelled as loudly as he could, but the echo indeed stopped.

So... Why?

It was either that the echo annoyed whoever that is, aswell, or...

"Can I have some water, _please_?" He asked, trying to sound as polite as possibale.

He grinned widely when he suddenly felt himself holding a glass.

As he drank the cool water, he smiled a small relieved smile. Maybe death won't be that bad.

* * *

Will wasn't able to calculate time in wherever he was, but after an amount of time that seemed like three or four hours, things looked completely different to him.

He was no longer in an endless room of nothing, he was now in a basketball court, shooting the ball into the hoops for what seems to be the hundred time. The audience seats were empty, but he tried not to notice and to ignore it.

When he scored 100 points he got tired of basketball. "Can I have my apartment here please, in another room?" He asked, doubtful, surprised and happy when the exit door of the basketball court changed into his familiar white apartment door, with his blue wood sign and red letters forming the word "Will Gardner" on it.

When he saw his door he was suddenly hit by feelings with full force. He was able to ignore them as long as he had no connection with the outside world, but now that his apartment is here, he couldn't stop his imagination while thinking what might be in there.

He slowly stepped inside, opening the door. He wondered whether or not the apartment will be as messy as he left it, but he was surprised to see that it is clean, organized, as if he did a cleaning day the day before.

He slowly gazed up at the white couch, at his basketball trophies, his kitchen, his TV.

It all smelled like home. He started to miss terribly all the people he cared about. His family, his friends, Diane, Kalinda, Cary... Alicia.

But he misses Alicia for the past few months now; he hates how things are between them. Though he received the ultimate proof that she officially doesn't love him, it still hurts. He wanted to believe that she acted the way she did because of denial, and that it was a matter of time before she'll be able to love him back, it turned out it was just not appropriate; she couldn't love him and she shouldn't love him, that's the way it was.

And now he's dead.

He'd say the chances for anything with her is now officially zero; it always has been, but at least now it's official.

Will groaned in frustration and slammed the front door shut.

It broke.

"DAMMIT!" He shouted. "Why can't I just die? Be over! No one misses me, I have no wife, no kids... I dedicated my life to basically one woman... And it didn't work out. Is my punishment being trapped here without any ability to see anyone?! It doesn't worth it! It doesn't WORTH IT!" He yelled and grabbed a vase, one he got to Christmas, and slammed it against the wall.

It crashed and made all the surrounding wet (including him) but he didn't care. He wanted to shout, scream, cry... Oh how much did he want to cry. He didn't know what is holding him but he couldn't cry.

Well, he is going to live alone here until nothing, without anyone he knows with nothing happening.

"Isn't that just great," he muttered, tired and miserable.

* * *

After about three days doing nothing special Will got bored.

He already asked for clock, so there wasn't a problem of time.

He already asked for a calendar so he knew the date.

Even though he tried to ask for people to come, nothing happened, and he started to wonder why.

"Okay, can I please know why I can't have people here?" He asked, receiving as an answer a little paper which appeared on his table.

_"Rules in Heaven\Garden of Eden\Elysian Fields\Mag Mell\\..._

_Hello, and welcome!_

_for other languages please ask._

_If you received this note you probably know how to ask and receive things you want. Or maybe you managed to succeed by mistake!_

_For now on, know that you can get almost anything you want if ask it and add "please" (except from few things, which are written below in extensively)._

_You can have anything you want! A TV, a computer, a fish, a shoe._

_You can spend time or live with other Afterlife World residents, just ask and we'll help for the meeting to occur._

_If you are here, it means you have been a fairly good person. Congratulations!"_

"Wow, thanks," Will muttered sarcastically.

_"The exceptions are listed below:_

_1\. Generally people from your previous life are not allowed here. A person is allowed to visit as a part of its dream once in every six months._

_2\. You can't visit the outside life; you can request for a Spiritual TV which can show you memories, the present time of your loved ones or future time of your loved ones._

_3\. Once you received this note you are allowed to use your visitors right._

_Have a nice afterlife!"_

Will finished reading and sat down on the couch, before he started laughing hysterically. He didn't know why; he sure didn't have any reason. But he just laughed; he laughed his worries, fears, sorrow and sadness away.

Bitterness will do no good now; he should remain happy.

And bored.

* * *

**Wanted to say thanks to everyone who reviewed my first goodwife fic Extreme: Sportsnightnut, YaelTsairi, Guest, Guest and guategal. Thank you for giving me such a warm welcome to this fandom!**

**I would love to know what you think and whether you want me to continue, 'cause I am planning to continue this one! Not a 30 chapters fic but two more chapters at least.**

**Who do you think Will will use his visitors right for? ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the goodwife characters, or the beautiful lyrics from Eric Clapton's song "Tears in heaven".**

* * *

Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?  
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?  
I'll find my way, through night and day,  
'Cause I know, I just can't stay, here in heaven.

* * *

Will Gardner opened his new spiritual TV to the present channel.

As he waited for it to work, he was surprised to notice some instructions appearing on the screen.

_Hello, and thank you for using Spiritual TV! (Brought all the way to you from the fine Hunting Earth inc)._

_In present mode you'll be able to watch your loved ones as if you're watching TV! All you'll need to do at start is to type in the person's name whom you want to see._

_Have a nice experience!_

Will grinned, happy to finally be able to see all the people he loved. He wondered with who he should start... But he really didn't have any real doubt.

After he typed in 'Alicia Florrick' it took about two minutes before anything happened, but then it suddenly zoomed in, and he saw Alicia standing among a lot of people.

Will was actually quite surprised when he realized that he is looking at all the people he loves on the same place.

In a graveyard.

"Oh shit," he muttered, almost wanting to change the channel. _They were a little group of around 50 people, standing in a green lawn full of white graves and crying. They all stood around one grave._

Will felt suddenly really cold as a sudden tremor went through his body.

This is his grave.

_His mother was standing the closest to his grave, her eyes red from all the tears. His sisters, Aubry and Sarah, were crying on each other, Sarah's husband and Aubry's recent boyfriend (that Will got to meet two weeks before his death) were standing near them, nervous and sad._

It was awful to watch. He almost wished for them to be able to hear him in order to tell them to not be so sad.

_Diane was near his grave as well, crying loudly (a weird sight to itself) and holding..._

Holding Alicia.

And he never saw Alicia so sad in his life.

"Dammit, I can't do it." He muttered, his voice filled with pain. He looked for the remote and looked at it, before he managed to find the recording button.

He pressed "record" and fought the urge to close the TV. "It's harder on them. It's harder on them. Come on, don't be a baby. It's harder on them," he muttered to himself, a little tear falling slowly from his eye. A person is allowed to cry on his funeral.

_"Will... Will was... He was..." His sister Aubry tried to speak but was overwhelmed with the tears._

Will felt his heart sank at the sight of his sister like that; he badly wished for it to stop. He grabbed a ball and started to press it hard, trying desperately to calm himself.

_"Will was an amazing brother, and a talented person. He had so much potential. He wasn't just an outstanding lawyer, but also a great guitar player, and the family's head cook. Family..." Her tears got to her again. "Family meant the world to him; in family dinners he was the happiness source of the group. I always looked up to him... I adored him and loved him... And how I wish now he would have listen to me back then and form a band with me instead of becoming a lawyer..." She started to cry loudly, Will's mom and Sarah turning to hold her and comfort her._

Will threw the ball to some random corner and wished badly to be there for his sister.

_His mother stepped closer to the grave, and looked at his grave with that shark, smart look of hers that he always adored and loved; although obviously it was filled with tears now. "I will say this," she started. Will was quite alarmed with how sad and upset she sounded. "No mother should bury her child, and when I'll follow you up," she said and looked up at the sky, the camera following her, "you'll get on your head for it," his mother smiled a teary smile. Two more tears fell from his eyes. The camera followed his mother so it seemed as if she's talking to him the whole time. "I love you so much, son. I can't even start to describe. I leaned on you, depended on you... I... After your father's death you became the man of the family. How I wish..." She stopped and cried for some time. "How I wish it was me instead, you deserve a full, long life."_

_His oldest sister stepped closer to the grave, crying loudly. She shook her head and cried even harder. "I can't bury my little brother," she cried. "I don't want to. I refuse... I love you Will! I love you so much! I miss you so much! How I wish you would come back..." She cried hard, no one was able to comfort her._

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Will screamed, not able to take the pain of his loved ones anymore. "I can't watch this, I can't." He shook his head, before he froze in his place when he saw Alicia and Diane moving slowly towards his grave.

_"Will.. Will was a pleasure to meet, and to work with. He was so... So talented, and so special. He was also so strong and amazing, I can't even start to describe how hard it is for me to talk about him in past tense," Diane cried and shook her head._

_Everyone there turned to look at Alicia, waiting for her to speak up. Alicia's teary glassy eyes looked at the grave. Her beautiful face agonizes, her eyes red. "Only know you love him when you let him go," she said quietly, almost in a whisper, her voice too painful._

Will didn't hold back the tears now. They fall freely on his face now, sliding down as he bit his bottom lip in order to keep from crying hard.

He closed the TV before he got up abruptly, remembering something.

He ran to his bedroom and opened his closet, throwing clothes everywhere in order to find it. He finally find it in the bottom of his drawer, and when he did he fell to the floor, crying hard and holding it closely to his heart.

It was a picture of both of them in their graduation day from Georgetown. They both wore the graduation hats and gowns, and they were laughing from something he didn't remember right now.

She was beautiful as always. Laughing, looking at him like he is the funniest guy in the world. And Will? Will looked at her in the way he suspects he always looks at her.

Total adoration and the sincere love he felt deep inside.

* * *

He went to sleep after sitting on the floor for few hours; he just got into his bed and closed his eyes, his head hurts and his eyes heavy. "Please, give me a dreamless sleep," he whispered into space, his voice quiet. He fell asleep immediately, and his request was fully answered.

When he woke up he slowly opened his eyes, his head and eyes heavy. His head was also beating, and he wanted... For the first time he just wanted to give up, disappear from this world. He wondered whether or not it's possible.

But then a small smile spreaded on his lips, making him immediately feel better. He is not going anywhere.

His mom said she'll come eventually, and he needs to wait for her to come. His heart ached at the thought of his mom, but he kept the smile. He needs to cheer up, he can't just be depressed forever.

He slowly went to his bathroom, washed his teeth and washed his face. He then looked at himself in the mirror.

"I look terrible," he muttered. He brushed his hair and then held his beating head. "Can the headache please stop?" He asked, happy when it did.

He grabbed cereal, a bowl and a carton of milk and sat in his living-room. As he started to eat he turned on his spiritual TV, and after a second of hesitation he decided on the memories section, typing in after some thinking the date 31.12.1994, 10 pm. Before the memory started on the TV a short introduction appeared on the screen.

_Hello, and thank you for using Spiritual TV! (Brought all the way to you from the fine Hunting Earth inc)._

_In memory mode you will experience the memory as if it's happening right now!_

_We recommend reliving some happy memories, otherwise you might get depressed, and we don't want that to happen, do we?_

_Have a nice experience!_

* * *

_Jeff's new years eve party was going well. He barely saw Jeff himself, there were so many people around him; he kept glancing at the door, anxious for her to come._

_Near him stood some blonde girl who was completely random to him. The thing is, she was talking to him, so he needed to think fast what to answer her._

_"...I didn't know what to do!" She said and laughed hardly as if she said the funniest thing in history. He laughed too just so she won't be offended. "What would you do?" she asked him with a smile._

_He stared at her before he laughed a bit nervously. "I don't know... It's a tough one," he said and she laughed way too loudly to his opinion._

_"I know, right?" She said and he nodded, smiling before he finally noticed Jeff._

_"Hey, I'm really sorry to go that way, but I really need to talk to my roommate. Do you mind?" He asked and she immediately nodded._

_"No, no, of course! I'll... will I see you around?" She asked, and even though he was tempted to say no, he nodded._

_"Sure." He said before he smiled one last time and walked to Jeff who was busy flirting with some girl._

_"You should come over here when it's not so crowded. It looks completely different," he smiled at the girl and she chuckled._

_"I'm sure it is. I'll be sure to come around and check it out," she smiled before she noticed Will. "Hi Will," she grinned at him._

_"Hi... Umm..." Jeff mouthed behind her back the name 'Anna', "Anna. It's good to see you," he smiled._

_"Good to see you too. Where is Cavanaugh? You guys always seem to be inseparable," she said with a glance of slight jealousy and he felt a bit annoyed._

_God, I don't even recognize you, chill out._

_"Got me. I am actually looking for her," he said, a small smile spreading on his face at her irritated look. Jeff frowned when he saw her face._

_"Well it was nice talking to you, Anna," Jeff said in a tone that made it clear that she should move on._

_"Nice talking to you too," she smiled at both of them, a bit bitterly, before she walked away. As she walked away Jeff groaned. "God, Will! Is there even one girl in this school who doesn't have a crush on you?"_

_Will chuckled. "I have no shit, and truthfully, I don't give a damn. The only girl I want is not even here," he rolled his eyes as Jeff laughed._

_"You are obsessed with that girl, Will! You know her for what... Two years? And nothing happened, man! Move on! Practically every girl in this room will agree to date you, though I have no shit why," he laughed and Will laughed too and hit his arm._

_"Shut up. Besides, I don't wanna move on. She is... She is different, man." Will said as Jeff rolled his eyes._

_"You're in love with probably the only girl in the world who doesn't fall of her feet every time you smile at her -" Jeff said but Will didn't listen anymore, instead he stared at the door._

_Alicia Cavanaugh just entered the room, followed by her roommate. They both laughed, and Alicia's sweet laughter called out to him from afar._

_She looked amazing to him. She wore a red, simple beautiful dress that demonstrated her well-shaped body; a quite short dress that reached her knees. Her curly wild hair was pulled into a half updo, which fitted well her grinning, beautiful face._

_"See you later," he muttered to Jeff as he immediately started to walk towards her. When she noticed him she gave him her most special smile; the wide smile that reach not just both corners of her lips but her eyes, which sparkled at him. How can any woman compete with that smile? _

_"Hi," Will grinned at her, his eyes scanning every inch of her body before focusing on her face. "You... You look beautiful."_

_She smiled almost sheepishly, her cheeks turning a bit red. "Thank you. You look very good yourself."_

_"Alright you two, get a room," Alicia's roomate, Isabella, smiled at them. Will smiled back at her, actually meaning the smile; he found Isabella, or how most people call her, Bella, a very nice person; and he smiled to himself when he realized that the main reason was that she didn't seem to have a crush on him as the others._

_"If you're interested, I'd love to," he winked at Alicia as she laughed and rolled her eyes._

_"But the party only started," she said with a big grin on her face, which he returned easily._

_"Well, let's go party then," he smiled and offered her his arm, which she gladly took._

* * *

_During the evening, things went almost too perfect._

_They never separated from each other since she walked in; they were good friends in the everyday life, so nobody thought it was weird that they're inseparable. But this evening felt different to them; it seemed as if they have endless possibilities. As if it's possible to cross some friendship lines, and Will sincerely hoped it might just be the beginning of more._

_Around 11:45 pm they got tired of the crowd and the noise and they slowly slipped into Will's bedroom._

_Will opened his door to her and as she walked in he kicked out a random couple that made out on his bed._

_"Don't do that on my bed!" Will said, angrily. "Get up! Get up!"_

_The couple broke apart and stared at him for a second, before they both started to laugh._

_"Get out!" Will demanded as they stumbled out of his room, laughing. Will sighed as he closed his door. "I'm so sorry for that," he smiled apologetically to Alicia, as he started to take the sheet off of his bed with a slight disgusted face._

_"Don't worry about it," she smiled at him before she went to his bathroom and grabbed the plastic laundry can; she then handed it to him as he threw the sheet into it, still looking quite disgusted._

_"I can't believe people did that kind of stuff on my bed," Will groaned. Alicia smiled sympathetically at him as she opened his closet and threw a new sheet at him._

_"Stop complaining; You were the one who allowed Jeff to throw this huge party. Besides, I remember you doing the exact same thing in Amber Chase's party when you sneaked into her bedroom with Sally Stevens," Alicia grinned at him and he smiled innocently._

_"Whose party with who?" he asked as she laughed at him._

_"I can't believe you don't even remember girls you've been with them that way," she rolled her eyes, grinning at him._

_"I... have a lousy memory," he smiled as he grabbed the sheet she threw at him._

_She smiled at him. "It makes me think that you don't even have a slim chance to remember me few years from today," she laughed as he stopped wrapping his bed with the sheet and looked up, surprised. "I mean hell, we never even kissed... We're just friends," she said quietly as he shook his head rapidly, shocked._

_"No, Leesh... How can you say that? I'll never forget you," he protested as she helped him to wrap his bed with the sheet. "Whatever we are... You are... You're too meaningful for me to ever forget you," he said sincerely and as they finally finished wrapping the bed with the new sheet. He jumped on it and pulled her with him into an embrace. She laughed at his rapid actions but immediately leaned into his embrace. He stroked her arm softly as he closed his eyes, wanting to memorize this moment._

_He doesn't know how long they were in this quiet embrace. He just knows that when the new years eve countdown started outside the door their gazes met and she looked away, blushing._

_His breathing became rushed and his heart was beating fast._

_He is no master in gazes, but he thinks that the way she just looked at him says she might... She might feel something._

_That it's not just him._

_"**30!**" The people outside the door yelled._

_"Alicia..." He said quietly. It took her few seconds to look at him, her cheeks red. It seemed as if just the thought that he might know her true feelings to him scared her. "I... I think I wanna tell you something," he said nervously as he took a deep breath._

_"Yes?" She asked him, her voice barely above a whisper._

_"**20!**"_

_"For... For a long time now... I... I like you. I know we're friends, but..." he went quiet after some attempts to talk, but she smiled at him._

_With her lips and with her eyes._

_"I..." She started but stopped herself. She bit her bottom lip and stared at her hands, saying nothing._

_"You're...?" He asked, anxious to know what she thinks._

_"**10!**"_

_When she didn't answer Will's heart sank and he looked away._

_"**9!**"_

_It was obvious now- she doesn't feel the same way._

_"**8!**"_

_He slowly pulled away, not meeting her gaze._

_"**7!**"_

_He doesn't usually puts himself out there._

_"**6!**"_

_And when he does, it's not nice to get rejected._

_"**5!**"_

_He was able to feel Alicia's gaze searching for his._

_"**4!**"_

_"Will!" Alicia's voice called out for him, painfull._

_"**3!**"_

_"Don't worry about it... We're still friends," he whispered, hurt in his voice._

_"**2!**"_

_"That's not enough this time," she said softly, her voice full of emotions, as she pulled him to her._

_"**1! Happy new year!**"_

_As a tear made her way down Alicia's face, she pulled Will back to her by his arm. He looked down at her, his hurt gaze softening up at her tender, vulnerable look. "Happy new year," she whispered as she rose up to him and captured his face with her hands, kissing him softly and shyly._

_She felt him smile into the kiss as she felt his whole body relax._

_His hands slowly found their way to her back, stroking it soothingly. When she pulled away, tears falling from her eyes, he kissed her again, just so she won't be so sad. Her whole body responded to the kiss, seeking his warmth._

_Then why was she crying?_

* * *

As Will got back to the Afterlife World present, he slowly rose his hand to his cheeks, and felt confused when he felt the place where apparently tears were falling just few seconds ago.

There was a reason though, now that he thinks about it.

Will is not the crying type (putting his death and funeral aside)... And when he does cry it's always for a reason.

There was a reason he picked this specific memory, and there was a reason he cried as well.

This memory... The night that the memory represent, is the best and the worst night in his life.

It's when he knew for sure that he loves Alicia Cavanaugh.

And it's when everything started to fall apart.

* * *

**I promise I'll explain everything in the next update!**

**Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed, and everyone that favorited and followed, you guys keep me going :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own the good wife characters, or the beautiful lyrics from Eric Clapton's song "Tears in heaven". There are also some quoted lines from the show, which I don't own.

* * *

Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees.  
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.

* * *

Alicia is a strong person.

Will never had any doubt in that.

Although it seemed that every time she was with him she had many doubts in it. He really wondered why.

He thought she is the prettiest woman in the world, and the smartest as well. Every time she walked into a courthouse, the opposing attorney better fear. She is a great mom, a funny person and a nice person who won't hurt anyone if possible.

After their kiss in the New Year's Eve of 1995 she avoided him for few days; not actually running away from him, but not returning his calls and sitting with others on classes, so when he did manage to catch her...

* * *

**January 5th, 1995**

_"Alicia!" Will yelled after her as he ran to where she stood in the hallway. She immediately turned around when hearing his voice, guilt on her face._

_"Will," a small smile appeared on her face._

_"Where have you been for the past few days? I was unable to find you anywhere," he smiled softly, trying not to reveal too much of the pain she caused him by doing so._

_She looked down, ashamed. "I... I'm so sorry Will," she looked at her watch and grimaced. "I'm so sorry Will! I gotta get to class. You wanna meet up later today, around... 3?" She asked, and then smiled. "Our usual?"_

_Will smiled at that, some hope in him now that things can at least go back to normal. "You bet."_

* * *

_Around 2:55 pm Will walked into the quiet Coffee house he visited many many times in the past few years._

_He walked to their favorite booth and sat down, waiting for her to come._

_When ten minutes passed Will sighed and opened the menu, even though he knew for sure what to order._

_The door opened and a young blonde waitress walked in. "Ready to order yet?" She asked Will with a polite smile._

_Will nodded slowly. "Yeah. Ummm, I would like a latte, and also cappuccino with some apple pie," he said and the waitress nodded and smiled at him, before she walked out._

_Alicia finally walked in 5 minutes later, taking off her coat immediately and giving him her familiar smile. Not yet the extremely happy smile he learned to love, but all her smiles were beautiful to him. "I'm sorry I'm late."_

_He waved his hand dismissively, "It's okay."_

_She sat down across of him and they looked at each other for few seconds, tension and maybe something more in the air, before she looked away, blushing, her face sad._

_"So... How you doing?" He asked, nervous. It seemed as if they are not able to communicate the way they used to, and that's bad._

_"I'm... I'm fine," she answered, biting her bottom lip. The waitress walked in, bringing their food and drinks, and Alicia smiled at the cappuccino and the apple pie. "You always know what I want."_

_"I know you," he stated simply._

_"Yeah," she smiled a weak smile before she returned to look at her hands._

_Will looked at her while she looked at her hands, her eyes sad and confused. She then finally looked up. "Will... I don't want things to be embarrassing between us. I... I like you..." She said but when she saw his hurt look she for some reason understood it as doubt. "I do! I'm just... Will, I'm... I'm... Oh dammit!" She was muttering and he looked at her, confusion written on his face. "Okay, I am just going to say it. It's pretty much the first time I say it out loud. Will... I'm pregnant," she said, smiling a soft smile at his pure shock._

_And he was shocked._

_Not ever in any way did he see this coming._

_"What? Wh... What? What do you... How do you... What?" He was speechless._

_"10 weeks pregnant," she smiled, sad._

_"But... But how? From who? You're still in school! What are you... What are you going to do?" He simply blurted questions, not ever in a million years did he expected her to say she's pregnant._

_Alicia inhaled deeply before she answered. "In the summer, I went to stay with my uncle in Chicago, and I sort of dated someone there," she said, her voice quieter than usually._

_Will looked at her. "What do you mean 'sort of'?"_

_She sighed. "I think he cheated on me. Or maybe I was the cheat, I don't know. He didn't seem to think much of me, I don't think he ever saw a future, especially not that kind of future," she smiled and rubbed her stomach. "Honestly, I didn't see that much of a future either. I wanted to check whether or not I can get over... Get over someone, because at the time it seemed as if the guy that I actually wanted to date was not interested," she said, her voice breaking at the last sentence._

_Will looked at her, his stomach shrinking. He closed his mouth tightly, not wanting to open it and ask the question; he feared the answer too much._

_He then finally opened his mouth. "You... You mean... Me?"_

_Alicia nodded, her face sad and a bit confused._

_"I liked you... Ever since I met you, Alicia," he said quietly, a bit choking out of the emotions._

_"I know that now," she nodded, her face agonized. His hand slowly reached to touch her face, and when he did he stroked her cheek gently. She smiled at him, inhaling deeply to hold the tears back. She turned to drink her cappuccino, and he did the same with his latte, both using the time to calm down their nerves._

_They ate slowly, both avoiding each other's look. When they both finished eating he_

_looked up suddenly. "Since when do you know you're..?"_

_She smiled at him, sadly. "A day before New year's eve."_

_He looked at her, confused. "Than why... Why did you... Why did you kiss me?"_

_"Because I like you... A lot. Never liked anyone as much. I wanted to forget about all problems and give it a chance... At least once. To see how it feels and to ignore the bad timing," she said, quietly._

_Will looked at her for a few seconds before he nodded to himself. He took out his wallet, grabbed a 20 dollar bill, put it on the table, and then grabbed her hand._

_She looked at him, surprised, a little smile spreading on her face; he pulled her up and she walked with him outside, quite surprised from his eagerness. They reached his building, which was only 3 blocks away, and she knew what was happening. She knew what he had in his mind. But she wanted it too. God, did she want it too._

_When he unlocked the door and closed it behind them, they immediately stepped closer to each other, the tension between them undeniable. As his hand reached closer to her face, his fingers started to stroke her cheek gently. Her eyes closed at his touch, her lips slowly forming a small, though sincere, smile._

_"What are we doing?" She asked him, her voice barely above a whisper._

_Will continued stroking her cheek, his other hand reaching for her, pulling her closer gently. "For the first time, I don't care."_

_She grinned at him widely, and he felt a little pinch of excitement when he saw that this smile did reach her eyes. "I was so sure that once you'll find out I'm pregnant you'll freak out and leave me," she whispered, her voice filled with emotions._

_He immediately shook his head. "I would never do that. I would never leave you... If you need me, if you and the baby need me, then I promise, I will always be there. For both of you."_

_Alicia nodded, a little tear sliding down her face as he leaned in closer, his lips immediately captured hers in a soft, gentle kiss. Her hands found their way to his hair, her fingers stroking it gently. His hands held her face, his fingers still stroking her cheeks gently._

_He broke the kiss and smiled at her, softly. "I will never ever let you down. You can always count on me to be there for you," he stated._

_"You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that," she grinned and kissed him this time, with much more passion._

* * *

**March 10th, 1995**

_Will had the ring in his pocket, his speech in his mind and the woman he loves the most to propose to._

_Not that he had told her he loves her yet._

_But he figured he'll tell her that on his speech. He'll tell her everything; how she was the only girl he wanted for the past two years; how the past two months of dating her, as hesitated as they were, were the greatest in his life._

_But that morning, when she reached his apartment and got in, his stomach sank at the look on her face. "Hey," he greeted her, kissing her shortly before looking concerned at her face. "What's wrong?"_

_"Peter called," she said and nodded at his immediate worried and unhappy reaction._

_"Well, what did he want?" Will asked, his chest starting to fill with anger. A month ago Alicia called him to tell him the news and the bastard hung up the phone without saying anything._

_Alicia looked at his angry face, sad. "He... He said he thinks we should get married and give our child a family," she said quietly, her voice soft._

_Will looked at her, shock and anger written on his face. "What?! What did you say?!"_

_Alicia sighed. "I said I'd think about it. I wanted to talk to you first."_

_"But what about Law school? And your career?!" Will was outraged._

_"I am going to stay at school and graduate... As for my career I don't know yet," she said._

_"Are you really going to accept his offer? What about... Us?" Will said, his voice suddenly dropping to barely above a whisper._

_Alicia looked at him, deep pain in her eyes. "I wish it wasn't that complicated! I'm so sorry Will... In some other time, in some other situation..."_

_Will sighed. "With some better timing. We have awful timing."_

_Alicia shook her head, her face more sadder than he ever saw. He immediately reached to hug her, and she immediately hugged him, breathing shaky breaths in order to hold back the tears. "I hate the fact that this happening. I hate the fact that I did this to you. I knew there's no way it can work, but I went for it anyway, just because I wanted to; ignoring the fact that your feelings might get hurt," she said, pain in her voice._

_"Don't worry about it, Leesh," he stroked the back of her head, the ring suddenly heavier in his pocket. He wanted to propose badly, it might just be the greatest and the worst moment to do it; but if he'd do it he would make her life even more complicated and hard; and he would rather do anything, then to cause the woman he loved the most pain and tougher life, intentionally._

_"I hope we can still be friends," she whispered, stepping away a bit so she can look into his eyes._

_"Always," he said simply, kissing her forehead._

* * *

**May 16th, 1995**

_"I'm not asking you to like him, I ask you not to hate his guts," Alicia chuckled as she grinned brightly at Will, who frowned._

_They were sitting in a coffee house, outside at the porch._

_"Too late for that, I'm still mad at him for ignoring you for a month before he bothered to call," Will rolled his eyes._

_Alicia laughed. "Well, don't. I forgave him, so should you!"_

_Will shrugged. "First he should show up, we'll see how he'll behave," Will said and Alicia laughed. Will's hand found its way to Alicia's hand, and he held it, stroking it gently._

_"Will!" She chuckled gently, her face beaming, while she tried unsuccessfully to hide her smile. She gave up and an uncontrollable smile spreaded on her face from his touch._

_Will just grinned brightly; his smile slowly faded, though, at the sight of a young man who made his way to their direction. "Alicia!" The guy called._

_"Peter!" Alicia stood up immediately, surprised at his sudden appearance. They hugged, and when Peter kissed her, Will looked away. He is not ready for these kind of stuff yet._

_Alicia looked at him, nervous. "Will, this is Peter... My, ummm... Fiance, as you know," she said to Will, who tried to smile politely. "Peter, this is Will; he is my best friend and practically my family here," Alicia said warmly as both men stood up to shake hands._

_"Nice to meet you, Will. With the amount of times Alicia talks about you I expect you to be no less than amazing," Peter smiled and Will returned the smile._

_"Nice to meet you too, and I hope I'm not a disappointment," Will smiled and Alicia rolled her eyes._

_"Sit, you two," she ordered and they both sat down, laughing._

* * *

_"So you'll take care of her, I hope?" Will asked, arching his eyebrow._

_Peter laughed. "Of course."_

_"I'm serious here. I wanna know she's in good hands," Will declared. Peter chuckled nervously and Alicia stared at Will._

_"I'm not that hopeless, am I? I can take care of myself," she stated._

_Will smiled softly at her. "I know you can. I just don't want anyone to hurt you."_

_"And you think I would ever do that?" Peter asked, his voice less friendly._

_"I don't know, I'm just warning you not to!" Will said, annoyed._

_"Sure. Whatever," Peter rolled his eyes, choosing against a fight this time. Will's clock ringed._

_"I gotta get to class," he noticed. He looked at Alicia who nodded and smiled at him._

_"Go," she smiled. "I'll meet you later for coffee?"_

_"You bet," he smiled and hugged her, before he gave Peter one last hostile look._

* * *

**May, 1996**

_Finally, Will is soon done with Law school. Half an hour away to be exact._

_He looked to his side, where Alicia sat, grinning at him, excited at this exciting day. In the audience, her mother, father, brother, husband and son sat._

_Her son was a cute one; Will loved him, he looked so much like Alicia._

_Will's family was sitting not so far from Alicia's; he waved at them, happy they came._

_As a random person made a speech, Will let his mind wonder with the thought of what he plans for his future. For now, he has an internship in Baltimore, but in the not so far future he sees a bright option; he wants to have his own firm, in one of the big cities, like New York, LA or maybe Chicago; and he's sure he will achieve it._

_He looked to his side at Alicia, who smiled at her son's direction._

_She was such a great, amazing, caring mother; he was so happy that she is so happy. She felt his gaze and turned to look back at him, smiling softly. "Do you believe we are graduating in about 20 minutes?"_

_"No," Will answered honestly, grinning._

* * *

_"Smile!" Owen yelled. "Or laugh, that works too, I guess," he grinned at Will and Alicia who laughed hysterically at some joke. Owen took the picture and smiled at them; from his sister's stories he knew that this is Mr. Georgetown, the unachieved love that his sister kept deep in her heart._

_Owen looked backwards to his sister's husband, who seemed annoyed with the laughing Will and Alicia. Owen rolled his eyes; truth is, he doesn't like Peter at all, and doesn't trust him._

_Unlike Will, Peter seemed fake and unreal, almost like... A politician._

_Owen hoped that one day Will and Alicia will find each other, in the sake of true love._

* * *

**June, 2008**

_"An hour ago, I resigned as State's Attorney of Cook County._

_I did this with a heavy heart and a deep commitment to fight these scurrilous charges.  
__I want to be clear.  
__I have never abused my office; I have never traded lighter sentences for financial or sexual favors.  
__At the same time, I need to atone for my personal failings with my wife, Alicia, and our two children.  
__The money used in these transactions was mine and mine alone. No public funds were ever utilized.  
__But I do admit to a failure of judgment in my private dealings with these women.  
__Alicia and I ask that the press please respect our privacy.  
__Give us time to heal.  
__With the love of God, and the forgiveness of my family, I know I can rebuild their trust.  
__I want to thank the people of Chicago; it has been an honor to serve you.  
__And I pray that one day, I may serve you again._

_Thank you..."_

_"Bastard. Son of a bitch!" Will yelled at the TV, the confirmation to his worries hurting him and surprising him. He was furious._

_He looked at her hurt, frozen face, and he hated Peter for practically everything- for ruining Alicia and their kids' trust; for being a son of a bitch and cheating; for not seeing how amazing Alicia is and for sleeping with prostitutes._

_For forcing her to stand next to him while he confesses his horrible actions._

_Will hates him. Will hates him so much._

_He knew for the past few weeks. It started as some courthouse gossip, and Will hoped it will stay as such, but as it was repeated again and again he became more and more furious._

_Mostly because there wasn't anything, and there's still nothing he can do about it._

* * *

**November, 10th, 2013**

_Diane walked into the office, her face frozen._

_Will was kind of angry at her anyway, since she gave an awful interview and said bad things about the firm, let alone the fact that she is leaving to become a supreme Court judge. "What?" He asked._

_"Alicia is leaving the firm with Cary, and she's taking our top clients."_

_What?_

_No way._

_What?!_

_Why the... why would Alicia ever do that._

_She might not love him, but she respects him._

_But if it is true... Then why would she do that?_

_Why?_

_No. There is just no way Alicia will leave like that. Sure, she never really felt exactly the way he felt, but why would she ever hurt him and try to ruin the firm he built with both hands like that?_

_"She... What?" He asked, plain confused._

_Diane answered, her face frozen. "I sat down with one of my clients, Sonya Rucker, and asked if she was leaving the firm. She is. With Cary and Alicia, to their new firm."_

_But wait. There's no way it's true... Alicia will never do that._

_"She... With just Cary, right?" He was begging in his mind for her to say something else._

_"No. Alicia as well," she said and Will felt his heart crash._

_This is impossible._

_"I..." This is insane. Why would she do that? Why would she try to hurt him and the firm that much? "When?" It's her firm too, she's a partner, why would she do this? "She is a partner."_

_"Yes, and she had a $10,000 stipend to decorate her office, but she stopped three weeks ago, spending only half. She has been planning this for three weeks."_

_During the years he got hurt by her, and quite many times, but this?!_

_Leaving the firm, leaving him and the firm, and ruin their business?!_

_Will Gardner hasn't earn a name of a family man during the years. He hasn't earn any name of a husband as well. But he damn well earned a name as a fantastic lawyer, who has a successful firm, and one that he made out of hard work. The firm is his career, his happiness source, his life; and any one that tries to damage his firm better watch out._

_"Will, I know this hard."_

_Diane knows nothing about how hard it is, because it's a betrayal both personally and professionally, and Will will not stand in the side if someone, anyone, tries to damage his firm._

_As he stood up and started to walk to Alicia's office Diane said something he couldn't understand. All of his surrounding became a big weird blur, and he just wanted Alicia to deny, to protest, to show that she cares about the firm._

_And about him._

_When some memories of her smiles came to his mind he tried to block them away; this is the time he plays hard for a change._

_When he walked to her office and saw her sitting peacefully at her desk, he felt a sharp dark pain crossing his chest. This is just plain cruel._

_"You're leaving?"_

_"No, I just got here," she answered innocently, before she saw the look on his face. "What?"_

_"You and Cary... Are leaving?" He asked, and for the last time prays that this is all just a big misunderstanding, a hope that fades while he looks at her face._

_They look guilty._

_"Will -" She starts, but this is one time too much, and he is not going to listen. He suffered enough from this woman in the last 17 years._

_"No. It's an easy answer; It falls into the 'yes or no' category. You and Cary are leaving and you're taking some clients with you?"_

_"Yes."_

_Alicia's answer stabbed him like a knife in his chest, and as he stood in front of the window he closed his eyes, pain on his face. "And you decided this three weeks ago?"_

_"Yes. I'm sorry."_

_Wow, she's sorry, that is pretty damn helpful now, after three weeks of stealing clients. Your sorry is definitely what will turn the wheel backwards._

_"Of course. That helps." Will muttered._

_"It's time I try something... New."_

_Fair enough._

_Will released all his anger when he pushed all the things on her desk in one sweep, and after that, it's hard to control the anger. "I took you in. No one wanted you. I hired you- I pushed for you."_

_"This is a business decision -" she starts._

_"You were poison! This firm, got you back on your feet." Will spat._

_"And I will always be thankful -"_

_"And this is how you show it?! By stealing our clients?" It was hard to hide the hurt now, but why to bother?_

_"We didn't steal anything. These were clients that-"_

_Nonsense._

_"You have a fiduciary responsibility to this firm, and you were going behind our backs!"_

_"I didn't go behind any backs. I -"_

_She negotiated Diane's exit package!_

_"You negotiated Diane's exit package -"_

_"You asked me to!"_

_"- And this whole time you knew you were leaving!"_

_"Nothing I was doing impacted that negotiation."_

_Bullshit. What a load of crap._

_He trusted her. He tried as hard as he could to ignore the hard pain in his chest._

_"Oh, God. God... You're awful, and you don't even know how awful you are."_

* * *

Life are so messed up, in a way.

People who met Will always asked him how such a nice good-looking lawyer like him never got married, but truth is, most his life he just waited for his nice good-looking lawyer to let him in.

He wasted his life waiting for Alicia.

No one ever tells you that one day it might all end and you might not get your happy ending.

Will sighed and turned the TV to the present channel; he then typed Alicia's name in it.

He was surprised to see her crying under a blanket. His heart went out to her, as he looked at her body shaking out of the tears, heard her agonized cry. No matter what happens, no matter what she decided or how badly she hurts him; always, and especially now, he should probably face the truth-

He will always love Alicia.

He wondered whether or not he should use his visitors-right on her right now...

They definitely have a lot to talk about.

* * *

**Even though most times I am the kind of fanfiction writer that checks every single little detail she writes, there were too many details and it was too much to check, so I'm sorry if one of you noticed some inaccuracies, I tried my best for it to fit the general story.**

**Now, to your amazing reviews!**

**Thank you so much, as I said, all the interactions that proves me that people enjoy what I do (favorites, followers, reviews) keep me going.**

**So, ****Sportstar1282****, I'm sorry I made you cry, and I'm happy you like the story :)**

**guategal, ****I agree one hundred percent, and I work really hard to keep Will alive, because he was such an amazing character with so much potential and with a tragic end which left me very unsatisfied. and your kind words were very moving! I'm so glad you liked it so much and hope you liked this chapter as well!**

**Maymoo2018, thank you! I'm glad you do! I can't wait to hear what you think about it :)**

**Latenightmom- I gotta say I had something else planned! Your direction surprised me! But once I thought of it it made much more sense :) Thank you so much for your review :)**

**Guest- I'm glad you like it! Let me know what you thought about this chapter! :)**

**Guest- ****Thank you! And yes, I am planning to continue We Would Still End Up Together, it just kinda feels like people are not that into it, which is a shame. I'm not gonna abandon it, though, and it's good to know people still like it :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own the good wife characters, or the beautiful lyrics from Eric Clapton's song "Tears in heaven". There are also some quoted lines from the show, which I don't own.

This chapter is dedicated to Yael who gave me the idea for the main plot and supported me a lot. Thank you!

* * *

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure  
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.

* * *

"How this "visitor right" thing works?" Will asked and no one answered as expected; Will rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever. Can I please get a visit by Alicia Florrick?"

Will waited in anticipation, his heart racing. A note appeared on his table.

"Your visitor will appear in 1 hour, 20 minutes and 46 seconds," The note said.

Will groaned. "That long? Fine."

Will decided to simply check what she did until now since his funeral, so he turned on his spiritual TV to half an hour before the quite depressing present time, where Alicia is crying under a blanket.

* * *

_"You okay?" Peter asked Alicia who stood behind her kitchen table, sipping wine._

_"I really wish everyone would stop asking me that. I'm fine," she stated, annoyed._

_"You missed the Founders' Dinner. I just... was worried about you," Peter said._

_"Sorry," Alicia muttered without looking up._

_Peter put his hand on his head. "I don't often ask you to come to these political events."_

_"I'll go to the next one," Alicia stated, still not looking up. She started to inhale deeply, maybe to stay calm._

_"Alicia," Peter looked directly to her, deadly serious. "The way you're handling this Will thing -"_

_"I'm doing my best," she interrupted, her voice a bit raising._

_"Oh, well, if this is your best, then I think we need to talk," Peter stated, harshly. Alicia raised a pair of quite dumbfounded eyes._

_They looked at each other, and she revealed some of the anger that was obviously raising in her._

_"Look, you lost a friend. You didn't lose your child. You didn't lose your husband," he said in an attempt to sound softer._

_"I lost my husband a long time ago," Alicia stated quietly._

_"Oh, my," he said, pissed, and inhaled deeply. "You cannot go back there," he said, emphasising every word, looking quite pissed._

_"I don't have to. I'm still living it every day," she said with the same quiet voice._

_Peter looked really angry now. "Oh, my God. How many times do I have to tell you?" He asked in an angry whisper. "When I cheated, it didn't mean anything!" He was yelling now._

_"Well, then that was a waste," Alicia started to say, her voice raising to a yell as well. "Because when I cheated, it did!" Alicia yelled back._

_They looked at each other, angry. "Well, I can't compete with a dead man, but if you think your life would've been better with Will, you are kidding yourself -" Peter started to say, angry._

_"Stop it, Peter!" She raised her finger, upset._

_"No, I'm not gonna let you throw away this marriage because you have some idealized notion of a man who you're not even sure cared about you!" Peter yelled._

_"You're a bastard." She said, outraged._

_"And you're a selfish bitch! but you know what?!" Peter yelled. "We're all that we have."_

_They didn't say anything for the next few seconds, Peter looked like he is regretting his words and Alicia seemed shocked, upset, angry, confused, all at once._

_She then sighed. "No. Not anymore." Peter maybe looked worried because she added: "Don't worry. I'm not gonna divorce you. You're too valuable to me professionally, just like I am to you."_

_Peter looked surprised by her cynical formulation of their relationship._

_She continued. "But we're not gonna see each other anymore. Not unless we have to. If you need me at a political event, you call the office. My assistant will put it on my calendar -"_

_"Really?" He interrupted, skeptical._

_"- I'm not finished. You are free to see and sleep with whomever you like, but I don't want to know, and under no circumstances are our children to know. Understood?" She asked._

_"Is this because you want to sleep with someone else?" He asked and she closed her eyes, angry and frustrated._

_"Get out of my house, Peter, get..." She started to cry again so she went rapidly to the door and urged him to get out._

* * *

After watching what he just watched Will just stared at the empty TV screen. He didn't really know how to respond to what he just saw.

His mind was racing; his head ached.

As ironic as it is, Alicia never confessed deep feelings towards Will. At least not to him; although technically this confession wasn't to him either.

He... He thought she cheated with him because it was fun for her, though on the other hand, Alicia will never do anything just for fun.

As to Peter, he wanted to beat the crap out of that son of a bitch; and for too many things, frankly.

For bothering her with stupid events, for calling her a bitch, and most of all -

For saying Will might not care.

Will knows now better than ever that he loves this woman deeply, strongly; she is the one for him, always has been, and even with everything that happened she still always will be.

And how would that bastard know all that?

He wouldn't. So he should shut up and not speak for Will; even with his dead state he can still tell better how he feels.

* * *

_It was an emotional meeting._

_"Will? Will!" Alicia called, her voice choked out of emotions and tears falling on her face freely. "Will," she cried as he ran for her immediately, hugging her._

_"Alicia," He cried a bit himself, the moment too overwhelming for him to bear._

_They hugged, and as she cried on his shoulder he stroked her back soothingly. She cried as he held her face with both his hands, stroking her cheeks, his face happier than she saw for a long time._

_"I love you..." She cried, looking up at him. "I know that now."_

_When he kissed her, she felt how her stomach is a buzzing mess, her mind a blurry vacancy. His lips were soft and familiar; she kissed him, eagerly, moaning into his mouth._

_"I love you too... Always had. I... I think you know that, don't you?"_

_She smiled his favorite smile; the one that reached her beautiful green eyes. "It's still nice to hear. You can never be sure this days."_

_"I bet it was kind of hard to ask me," he grinned and she laughed, not taking her eyes away from him._

_"Is this a dream?" She asked him, her voice lowering down to barely above a whisper._

_Will looked thoughtful. "It might be."_

_She looked confused by his answer. "What do you mean?"_

_Will shrugged. "I tried not to ask any of this questions myself."_

_Alicia stared at him. "I can't believe you're with me again! It sure feels real. I... I have so much to ask you."_

_Will shrugged again. "Ask then."_

_Alicia inhaled deeply, her voice a bit shaking. "What were you going to say on that message?"_

_Will looked confused. "What message?"_

_Alicia stared at him. "_The_ message! The one you left me before you died!"_

_Will looked confused for few more seconds before he started to chuckle. "Oh. That message? I don't even remember. Something about a missing deposition."_

_"A what?" Alicia blinked._

_"A missing deposition. I needed it for the trial, I figured you guys took it when you moved."_

_Alicia started to laugh, Will soon joining her. "I...I Thought it's something much more dramatic. It's so typical for you- no, for us, to be so undramatic. The last time you talk to me and it's about a deposition? We are awful."_

_Will smiled. "Hell no. We are lawyers."_

* * *

_"So... What happens next?" Alicia asked, smiling sadly._

_"Nothing? There is not much that can happen to me."_

_Alicia was not happy with his answer. "But what are you? What is this? Where are you? Where am I?" Alicia was overwhelmed, the questions too many to count._

_"A dream? A memory? A story in your head? Nothing? Everything? I don't know Leesh."_

_"But this... I'm talking to your soul right now?" She tried to understand._

_Will shrugged. "I don't know. Yes?"_

_The tears started to fill her eyes again. "Will... How am I going to live my life, knowing you won't be there for me; that once my kids will leave the house, I'll have no one to live my life with?"_

_Will stepped closer to her, kissing her lips softly. He broke the kiss and gave her his smile now, the one smile that she never told anyone how much she likes, the one that creates butterflies in her stomach everytime. "Just knowing that what we had is real, that's enough for me. I never loved anyone as much as I love you... So I let you go. You need to find someone who makes you happy... And for me, keep in heart that you were always the one for me._

_What we have... Is real."_

* * *

Alicia Florrick wakes up abruptly, blinking her eyes rapidly at the light from her open bedroom window.

Her mind is racing.

_The recent dreams of Will Gardner may come to an end now,_ an inner instinct is telling her. She doesn't know if she feels relieved or scared, confused or wiser... But maybe all that doesn't matter.

Maybe all the past few days were nothing but dreams and secret hopes that he is watching... Maybe it was real, maybe she is going mad, maybe it's all just a story she tells herself in her head.

Her mind is a blur filled with too much information about memories, basketball, TVs and funerals. The past few days were so intense and exhausting that she can't wait till the moment she'll be able to go back to normal life.

Her husband, Peter, was wrong. She didn't just lose a friend, though she knows better than anyone how great of a friend Will Gardner was.

She also lost the one she hoped could be her husband for most her adult life. She lost the love of her life, possibly.

In this past few days, when she recalled all the past moments they shared, she had found out that Will is truely all that. He is her friend, her lover, the closest anyone got to know her truly.

Will Gardner knew in every step of the way to put her first and to be selfless, to let her go when needed, but this is one time too much; he might tell her to move on, and she might move on again; go again through the process of the deep pain she went through everytime they were forced to say goodbye.

She is not saying goodbye. She'll move on...

But he will always stay with her; her heart will always be truly his, and his alone.

It's her turn to put him first.


End file.
